Have you ever felt like God was completely silent and absent only to find out he was right next to you?
I remember one particular dark night of the soul for me. I was pastoring in a five church district in Colorado. I had been reading a lot of books on church growth. How to have a healthy church, meaning there were more and more people joining. All of these strategies of how to make sure the nickels and noses being counted in our weekly gatherings was growing. I got very, very discouraged with all of this. I came to the point of saying, "if all I am doing as a pastor is growing an institution then I don't want any part of it." This conclusion was the spring board into the depths of questioning life, the universe, and everything. I began to wonder if what we thought or believed actually made any difference in our lives. Why do we bother with deep thoughts of faith and mystery? Why not just live by the things we can see, touch, feel, and experience and leave it at that?
I remember my questions dragging me in deeper and darker, until in the midst of the blackness I realized what had brought me there. It was my thoughts. Nothing had changed in my physical world. I was still in the same house, I still had food in the fridge, I was still married to the same lovely wife. All of the physical world was the same. The only thing changed was my mindset. There for what we think, believe, question does effect out lives. "I think therefore I am." It had just drug me down into this pit and now this new realization was bringing me back out again.
Sometimes when we get in these dark places it is very hard for us to find God in them. Perhaps the darkness is much more physical like Job's was or the people in Haiti. But the truth is even when we can't find God he still knows exactly where we are. In Job 23, Job has his complaints and his case to bring before God, but where ever he looks for him, God is not to be found. He can't find him working in any four points of the compass and yet he comes to the realization even though he can't find God;
10 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.
11 My feet have closely followed his steps;
I have kept to his way without turning aside.
12 I have not departed from the commands of his lips;
I have treasured the words of his mouth more than my daily
bread.
God knows exactly where Job is and he knows Job has stayed on the path God has laid out for us. Even when we don't know where God is, he knows where we are. Let that sink in for a moment. Even when we feel lost. God knows where we are. Sense he is the one who can save us this is a good thing.
It reminds me of the old footprints story thing. There are two sets of footprints on the beach and then they go down to one. We look at this and say God why did you leave me during this trying time? Why would you leave when I needed you most? God's reply is that he didn't leave, the reason there is only one set of footprints is because he was carrying us.
Somehow in the midst of my questions about our faith affecting our lives, God was right there showing me through the same way I was sinking into the inky darkness he could lead me into the light. Through thoughts, belief, and a saving faith I could find hope in the very same physical circumstances I was sinking in discouragement.
May we come to see even when we don't know where God is or how he is working, he knows exactly where we are and may we find solace in this faith. The substance of things not seen.
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