Hey, God I'm not sure I believe in you. (Hebrews 3)

Can we have questions about God's existence and a good heart at the same time?

I have had many conversations with God about my questions of his existence, especially in college but after-wards as well. I remember one instance when I was driving along in Denver. I was a youth pastor at one of the churches there at the time. I remember a really strong pang of doubt coming over me. “Am I just making this stuff up, am I living a lie as a pastor and trying to convince others of the same lie, the same conspiracy?”

So I began to talk with God about that. This is kind of strange I suppose to talk with the being you are doubting the existence of, but hey why not? It’s in conversations like these I find myself reminded of the moments in my life where I know God moved. This time was no different. The Holy Spirit moves in my heart and helps me to recall these moments, these anchor points for my faith. As the memories come back I find myself at rest once again in the faithfulness of Christ in my life.

Hebrews 3 challenges us,” See to it, brothers, that non of you has a sinful, unbelieving heart that runs away from the living God.” The first reaction of many Christians is, how is this possible? Doesn’t scripture say the heart is deceitfully wicked beyond all things? How can we have a heart without sin and unbelief? It seems to me once again a good heart is one that is receptive to Christ. This passage in chapter 3 tells us again and again, “today is you hear his voice do not harden your hearts.”

Even in the middle of my questioning and struggle with unbelief I kept my heart open to God. I brought my questions to him. Israel hardened their hearts towards God, they wouldn’t follow him into the Promised Land so they wandered for 40 years in the wilderness. A whole generation didn’t enter into the rest of the Promised Land. There are many today who are in the same place. Peace seems to be ever elusive for them, even when they have the life of the American dream.

I pray today we would open our hearts to the voice of the Holy Spirit. Seek God with our questions and our doubts. Don’t let these things drive us away from God but towards him. This is what it means to have a good heart. Open to what God has to say to us. Jesus told the parable of the sower, different hearts different soils. The good soil was the one that received the word let it grow deep and produce a good crop. This soil was good even before the word was in the heart, because it was open and receptive.

May we be open and receptive today to the voice of God. May we have good hearts without sin and disbelief. May we find rest as we follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit.