Are we really suppose to forsake our family for the cause of Christ?
In one of the cities I have ministered in, in one of the years I have been in ministry, there was this one evangelist who came to work with our city. We spent a full month helping with the meetings. 5 nights a week I went to the rented hall along with many others to volunteer and help with the hospitality of the event. I remember the end of the event. The evangelist's family came to be with him for the final weekend. Those who had organized the event invited the family up on stage and gave them gifts of thanks for sacrificing their time with their father and husband for the cause of Christ.
While I know the organizers were doing this with the best hearts and intentions something seemed to be wrong in this for me. I knew the tole this month of meetings had taken on my family and the time I had been away even while still going home every night. I couldn't imagine the cost to the family of the evangelist who went on these month long things on a regular basis. It just didn't sit right with me to thank his family for this.
I began to theorize perhaps Jesus had never said to forsake wife and children for his cause. Parents maybe, aunts and uncles OK, but not wife and kids. Well this got blown out of the water when I reread his words. He does include wife and children in this list. I was wondering if I could find support for my feelings in scripture. I have found the balance in 1 Timothy 3.
This chapter is instructions of the qualifiers for serving as an elder or deacon in the church. There are many good principles here and some direct qualifiers. The leaders of the church, which is God's household says Paul, are things like; not given to drunkenness, gentle not violent, not going after dirty money, able to teach, hospitable, etc. In each list for both deacons and elders we also have some statements regarding their families. They must be married to only one person and they must have things in order at home. Their kids need to obey them with respect. If their homes are not in order how can they be leaders in the church.
Initially this might sound like they need to be a little militant at home. Many men have misused this passage to do just that. They have ordered their kids around so they can have order in their homes. Have any of you seen this actually work through the teenage years, or even the preteen years? It might make it for quite a long time as long as the kids are good and afraid of their fathers. But eventually this breaks down. Each child as they grow up needs to learn how to make their own decisions and if they haven't been given the chance they eventually begin to push back. It might even wait until they get to college and then they finally break through. Or it may just be when they get out of the house to go to school. They are respectful at home based on their fear, but they are terrors out side the home.
The other side of this is the absent parents, especially fathers. They are dedicated to their role at the church so much so they don't spend much time with their kids. Their kids eventually begin to seek their absent parents attention in positive or negative ways, whatever will do the job.
From the outside we look and say,"Kids will make their own decisions, this can't be helped." The parents remain as leaders in the church because the fathers can't be held responsible for the sins of their children. It is true we often do the best we can as parents and our kids still decide to do things that are out of control. But whatever the case maybe this isn't a time to be spending less time at home.
To forsake all for the cause of Christ is essential in the choices we make. Jesus was being approached by his family to stop him doing all this crazy messiah business. We must follow Christ above the influence of all others. This does not mean however we forsake the care of our families.
For the leaders of the church to have their homes in order means they are spending time with their families. For their children to truly respect their parents and not fear them they must be loved and cared for. One of the elders I have respected the most is the man who recognized things were getting out of hand at home and pulled back from his leadership role and the cause of Christ at the church for the cause of Christ in his own home.
These words aren't only for the ministry professionals like evangelists, pastors, and teachers. This is for all of us. The deacons and elders in our churches are from all walks of life. It doesn't matter if you are an evangelist or a plumber we have a responsibility to care for our families and only then can we care for the church. We also need to keep in mind the truth that our families are the church, so we have a double reason to take care of our families.
Please don't let this blog load you down with guilt if your children have made other choices than you hoped for them to make. I pray you would instead take this a good excuse to give them call, a hug, or a card to send some love their way. Remember God is great and powerful and he is greater than our efforts can ever be on our own. Place your kids in the hands of a loving Father in heaven today.
I don't know the state of the family of the evangelist I mentioned at the beginning of this blog. He might spend plenty of time with them and have an amazing loving relationship with his kids. I hope so.
It is my prayer today we all might have a loving relationship with our families and children and this same love would extend to our church families and beyond. In case you needed an excuse or a wake up call to spend some time with your family, I hope this blog can be just that.
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