Have you ever wavered in your conviction?
I find that my conviction to eat healthfully waivers on a daily...no moment by moment basis. How am I feeling in that moment...how hungry I am compared to the moment before and I still haven't eaten yet...I just had an amazing success, I'm eating all veggies...I just got passed over for another job, I need some chocolate covered donuts...really, my gut is that big, I have got to start counting intake again. How many times does my faith do the same thing? Do I understand where God is taking me? Can I see his clear guidance in the past? What does the future look like? Why is this temptation so hard to resist? Praise was amazing, I'm all in! Praise was awful, why weren't you there? It's been 5 days since I read my bible or had any serious time in prayer...my self control is at a zero. I've been reading and blogging every day...I feel so centered. And on and on it goes...
In John chapter 16, Jesus is telling his disciples about the upcoming ups and downs they will be having in their faith lives over the next several days/centuries surrounding his death and then ascension to the Father. They will have great sorrow when all the world is rejoicing...he will be crucified, but that sorrow ill be turned to amazing joy on the day of the resurrection. Jesus will be going away for a little while and then in a little while they will see him again. In their confusion over this statement the disciples start to question him yet again not knowing what to think or believe. Then Jesus speaks "plainly" and tells them he is going to the Father. "Now we get it," they say, "now we know that you have all of the answers, so we believe now." Jesus replies, "Oh really, now you believe? In just moments you will be running away from me, but don't worry I won't be alone because the Father is always with me."
I don't know what your faith life looks like right now. I don't know if you are in moments of sorrow, joy, belief, or doubt. I don't know how many years you have been solid with God or angry at him. And we are all still waiting in this broken world for the little while to be done so that we can see Jesus come again. Our faith wavers as the moments of our lives change. Jesus, does give us a rather amazing place to lean however in this passage. Just as for him, the Father is always there for us...we can always turn to him. Jesus even tells his disciples that they don't have to ask things of the Father through him, they can go directly to the Father and ask in Jesus name. We have direct access to God in heaven. Whether our feelings about that or our belief in that may waver, according to Jesus it is always true.
And as we can see with the faith of the disciples...belief wavers for those who are the spiritual leaders and heroes in the bible, so it will for us as well and this is OK. Jesus still wants them around, he still chooses them to do amazing things, even though they are all kinds of wishy washy in their belief.
May we develop a dependance on the Father moment by moment...so that even as we waver back and forth, we can know, as Jesus did, that we are never alone.
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