Oh now we believe you....(John 16)

Have you ever wavered in your conviction?

I find that my conviction to eat healthfully waivers on a daily...no moment by moment basis. How am I feeling in that moment...how hungry I am compared to the moment before and I still haven't eaten yet...I just had an amazing success, I'm eating all veggies...I just got passed over for another job, I need some chocolate covered donuts...really, my gut is that big, I have got to start counting intake again. How many times does my faith do the same thing? Do I understand where God is taking me? Can I see his clear guidance in the past? What does the future look like? Why is this temptation so hard to resist? Praise was amazing, I'm all in! Praise was awful, why weren't you there? It's been 5 days since I read my bible or had any serious time in prayer...my self control is at a zero. I've been reading and blogging every day...I feel so centered. And on and on it goes...

In John chapter 16, Jesus is telling his disciples about the upcoming ups and downs they will be having in their faith lives over the next several days/centuries surrounding his death and then ascension to the Father. They will have great sorrow when all the world is rejoicing...he will be crucified, but that sorrow ill be turned to amazing joy on the day of the resurrection. Jesus will be going away for a little while and then in a little while they will see him again. In their confusion over this statement the disciples start to question him yet again not knowing what to think or believe. Then Jesus speaks "plainly" and tells them he is going to the Father. "Now we get it," they say, "now we know that you have all of the answers, so we believe now." Jesus replies, "Oh really, now you believe? In just moments you will be running away from me, but don't worry I won't be alone because the Father is always with me."

I don't know what your faith life looks like right now. I don't know if you are in moments of sorrow, joy, belief, or doubt. I don't know how many years you have been solid with God or angry at him. And we are all still waiting in this broken world for the little while to be done so that we can see Jesus come again. Our faith wavers as the moments of our lives change. Jesus, does give us a rather amazing place to lean however in this passage. Just as for him, the Father is always there for us...we can always turn to him. Jesus even tells his disciples that they don't have to ask things of the Father through him, they can go directly to the Father and ask in Jesus name. We have direct access to God in heaven. Whether our feelings about that or our belief in that may waver, according to Jesus it is always true.

And as we can see with the faith of the disciples...belief wavers for those who are the spiritual leaders and heroes in the bible, so it will for us as well and this is OK. Jesus still wants them around, he still chooses them to do amazing things, even though they are all kinds of wishy washy in their belief.

May we develop a dependance on the Father moment by moment...so that even as we waver back and forth, we can know, as Jesus did, that we are never alone.

Naturally Hated...Cakes or Sinful Desires? (John 15)

Why would the world today hate Jesus?

I trying to think of a time in my life when I have actually been hated for something or when I have been the hater...I am not coming up with something right off hand. I can think of times in my life when others have picked on me...is that considered persecution? I remember a couple of older boys in grade school who thought it was great sport of mercilessly mock me if I picked my nose or if I spent to much time in the bathroom. We had a very small school, a little church school that I went to for grade school. Usually sometime in the afternoon I would need to wonder off to the bathroom, and I usually would take a little longer, because school work was boring. This older boy started timing me and then would mock me in front of the other students for how long I was in the bathroom. One day as he was doing this because the teacher was out of the room, I turned in retaliation and grabbed him by the shirt shoving him and pinning him up against the door. With a shaking voice he tried to continue mocking me..."oooo, I'm not scared of you." While this is a fun little story I don't know that I have every been actually hated or persecuted especially for my faith.

In John 15, Jesus begins by encouraging the disciples to remain in him like the branches of a grapevine remain in the vine. Staying connected to their source of life and purpose. He says they have already been cleansed by his message, they will remain in him when his words remain in him, and they will remain in his love by keeping his commands...which he then clarifies that his greatest command is for them to love each other.

Following the teaching on abiding, Jesus then says that the disciples will be hated and persecuted because the world hated and persecuted Jesus first. The servant is no greater than the master and sense the world had persecuted Jesus it would naturally persecute the disciples as well. The world will naturally hate you because they hated me, he says, and because they hated me they also hated my Father who sent me.

Jesus was definitely hated in his day by the religious leaders who thought that he was blaspheming God by claiming to be God. They didn't like that he was gaining religious influence over the people because that meant the people were responding to them less and less. Rome hated Jesus and the first Christians because they were causing and disturbance in the peace and wouldn't worship Caesar. Anyone who created political unrest was not a friend of the state. And the best way to ensure loyalty was to require the worship of the ruler as a deity, so that didn't fly well for the Christians...lions and crucifixions and things.

But what about today...are the followers of Jesus naturally persecuted because they follow Jesus. We don't have to worship the president, you can even vocally disagree with the president on national television and you won't get persecuted. The hating on Christians I hear about the most in the US is because Christians are hating on someone else or refusing to bake a cake. In other countries it is more true...Muslim extremists will persecute Christians for not believing that Allah is the only God, sometimes family members even reject their own family, kicking them out of the house if they accept Jesus as God. But muslim extremists aren't fans of most of the western world so...you can't really say that as a follower of Jesus you will be naturally hated and persecuted...at least not in the same way as the early disciples.

Perhaps I am sheltered, naive, and don't really understand the religious situation in the other parts of the world, and I am willing to admit that. But in the US people might think you are a little weird for believing in Jesus, they won't like it if you try to force your belief on them, and if you translate the Christian faith into a reason not to serve a certain group of people you are now breaking the law. The problem is abiding in Jesus according this this passage is accepting his message, letting his words abide in our minds, and obeying his command - which is to love people...(loving people involves serving them, P.S. (I suppose I might get some religious persecution for this statement)).

The closest thing I can think of regarding following Jesus that might get you into trouble in the US is what a group like "the simple way" has done in Philadelphia. When they starting feeding the homeless and loving the poor when the city had decided that feeding the homeless in public places was against the law. I think Jesus would have been there feeding the poor along with them.

This blog asks questions more than offers an answer so feel free to chime in with your thoughts.

The truth is the strongest persecution I feel on a regular basis is the persecution of sinful desires within my own head. The war of desiring to do things, watch things, or think things that are not a part of abiding in Christ. When I make the decision to change the channel or not look at something on the internet my sinful desires scream at me as does the media I am choosing to reject. My selfishness to take care of my own needs instead of my daughter's or those around me rails against any act of self-sacrifice I might choose instead. My greatest persecutor seems to be the sin that is living inside of me. Therefore I need to abide in Jesus all the more...for it is my own sinful nature, which naturally hates Jesus the most.

May we abide in Christ today, may his message cleanse us, may his words live in us, may we obey his commands of love...because the war inside of us is...oh...so...natural.

In the Midst of Fear...Barns and Resume's (John 14)

What are you afraid of?

I remember being afraid growing up. My folks live up on the side of a mountain in Northern Idaho, they have a house and a barn and two horses with a pasture that runs along the side of the hill. I can remember as a kids walking back from the barn after dark. The motion light would stay on for a while and then it would go dark. I would start to get that creepy feeling of the darkness closing in and something coming to get me. I would break into a run for the house and feel the relief flood over me when the motion light from the house would finally kick-on. There was just something about not being able to see where I was going and not knowing what could be coming from any where around me. I would get to the back walkway at the house and my heart would be pumping.

Fear continues to be a factor for me even today. Yes, sometimes the dark can still get to me, but more often it is the fear of the unknown in life's circumstances. I couldn't see how we were going to sell our house in the wake of 9/11, I can't see possibilities for getting out of credit card debt, I don't know where our next job will be, where we will move, how I will get past all of these apparent closed doors to a career. My heart starts racing again and I start running to job websites, turning in applications and sending out resume's like mad. The darkness of unknown circumstances can turn me in to a depressed grump to my family and a weary worship leader at church.

In John 14, Jesus has just told the disciples that one of them is going to betray him and that Peter will deny him. So Jesus begins the chapter with a promise, "Don't let you hearts be troubled, believe in God believe also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father's home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am. And you know the way to where I am going." Well this just freaks the disciples out all the more, "you're going away? how do we know the way if we don't even know where you are going?" Jesus reassures them again, "I am the way." You know the way guys, you know who I am, you know my father, and even when I go away the Father is going to send you another companion, the Holy Spirit, and he will always be with you. It's going to be OK, you don't have to be afraid. Even though it looks dark and you can't see the way through now...it will be OK, I got you!

Jesus calls them to believe in him, and to follow his commands because that is how they will show that they love him. He promises them that he will give them peace of mind, that they can't get any where else. "The Holy Spirit will guide you he will remind you of the things that I taught you, you won't forget, you will remember and when you do..you will believe all the more that I am the Messiah."

What is it that you are afraid of? Is it something in your life's circumstances, is there something you don't understand about who God is or what he might have planned for you life? I believe that God has something planned for my life, but sometimes is it awfully hard for me to see what it is or how I am going to get there. I find my self needing to remember that God is already with me. I have the blessings of my family, he has given me the opportunity to study for this PhD, he has given me ministry and work with a great church, and I am even building my academic career through facilitating classes online. It's really not that dark right now, the light is all around me I simply need to open my eyes and let the Spirit remind me of what God is already doing in my life. When I do, I can breathe and I can believe.

May we all receive the peace that Jesus has to offer to us when we open our eyes to see the light of his work and his presence all around us.

Who am I...What will happen next? (John 13)

Do we really know who we are?

Have you ever tried to define yourself? Have you ever tried to change your lifestyle or your thought patterns because you didn't like who you thought you were? I know that I have. I have gone back to school for higher degrees twice. Once to get my Masters In Divinity ( I know right, like anyone can master divinity), and now again for a PhD in Systematic Theology. I have changed my eating and exercise patterns to loose 45 pounds and then I went back to old ways to gain 50 back again. I have worked as a janitor, a grounds keeper, a factory worker, a lifeguard, a pastor, a college professor. I have retrained my thoughts so that I can better love my wife and not work all the time.

But sometimes I still find myself wondering just who I am. I am waiting to hear back from to possible employers for new jobs, I am also facilitating two online classes, and oh yeah, trying to write a dissertation to finish this PhD, and for monetary reasons I have seriously considered getting a job as a subway sandwich artist. Who am I, what is meant for my life?

One of the things that is so striking about Jesus in John Chapter 13 is that he knows who he is. Verse 3 says, "Jesus knew that the Father had given him authority over everything and that he had come from God and would return to God." Based on this knowledge of who he was, Jesus then proceeded to act in love and service to his disciples. He takes off his robe, wraps a towel around himself, and begins to wash their feet. How many of us are secure enough in who we are that we would humble ourselves to to roll of a servant and wash the nasty, dirty, road weary feet of those we are supposed to be leading?

Jesus then goes on to encourage the disciples to serve one another is this same way. He tells them that one of them will betray him, and then he serves his betrayer food after already washing his feet. With all of Peter's boasting about being willing to die for him, Jesus knows that Peter will deny him...and yet he washed his feet. Why does he reveal these things to the disciples, the betrayal and denial, so that later when it happens they will know that, "I AM the Messiah." He knows who he is and it allows him to serve, to suffer, to be betrayed and denied, and to still love those who will do these things to him. To still love us...who's sin requires his sacrifice. He is the son of God and he knows his purpose, he knows who he is in relation to the Father.

Who are we in relation to the Father? We are children of God...I am a child of God. Because of what Jesus did I can know who I am, even if I don't know who will hire me or what I will be called to do next. In the same way that this was Jesus' anchor for his life and mission, this must also be our anchor. We are children of God and he loves us.

May we know today that we are children of God...and may we serve and love because of it wherever we are, with whatever level of clarity we have about what is coming next in our lives.

Jesus stayed in the oven of Palestine, rather than going on vacation to Greece. (John 12)

Have you ever felt like giving up for greener pastures?

I remember when we were living back in Portland, OR Laura and I were really at odds with each other. I was working way to much trying to meet the expectations of church members and life at home was no picnic to come home to either. For a long time Laura was struggling with severe depression and then later as she recovered from that, she was so angry at me because I had nothing left to give the family after spending all my energy on the church.

She finally came to the place where she said she didn't want to live in the same house with me, it was just to painful. She said she didn't want a divorce, but she wanted me to go live with my sister for a while. I told her no, and we lived in chaos for a while longer. She said it again a few months later and I put a bag together in the car as we drove an appointment with a counselor.

I had begun to think there might be some relief if I stayed with the sister a while...somewhere where the person wanted me around. I had already been doing this by spending all of my time at work. Fortunately the counselor convinced us both that moving out was not a good plan as it increases the divorce rate to 75-90% or something like that. Instead I took a leave from the church for about 5 weeks and stayed so that we could get our marriage back on track.

In John chapter 12, Jesus is in the middle of a pressure cooker. He has been performing all of these amazing miracles as evidence that he is the Messiah and has been sent from God. The latest of which was raising Lazarus from the dead. Many have come to believe in him because of Lazarus, but others have decided all the more to kill him because of Lazarus. The Pharisees have even started to plot against Lazarus life because of those who are believing in Jesus.

As the pressure is mounting Jesus is presented with a request from some Greeks who want to speak with him. Jesus gives a rather strange answer to this request. He begins to speak about his death and the necessity of his death that the gospel might be spread to the whole world. Then he says, "what shall I say, Father save me from this hour. But this is the very reason I came! Father, bring glory to your name." And then the Father speaks from heaven in reply, "I have already brought glory to my name, and I will do so again." Jesus responds telling the crowd that the Father's words were for their benefit and then once again speaks of his death...to be lifted up...meaning a death on the cross.

Why does Jesus respond like this to the request of the Greeks? This is a moment of temptation for him..."You don't need to stay in the middle of the pressure cooker that will lead to your death. Come away to Greece where we want to hear from you and listen to your teaching. You don't need to die." It sounds a lot like the temptation of Satan to simply bow to him and he would give Jesus all the nations of the world. "You don't have to go through the cross...through the suffering...through the struggle." But Jesus stays, knowing that his death will be the very thing that delivers all the nations of the world rather than a limited time of comfort in Greece.

I don't know what you might be going through right now...what it might be that you are tempted to abandon. I have watched marriages fall apart when one or both of the individuals think that there will be greener pastures somewhere else. I watched a friend of my family try to find greener pastures with four different marriages. I have no desire to judge the circumstances of the lives of others. I do have a desire in my own life to be like Christ, to stay and to lay down my life for my wife so that the glory of God might be revealed. Jesus stayed with his wayward bride of Israel even unto the point of death...that we might all be saved.

Your struggle may lie elsewhere than your marriage...it maybe a difficult job, a church that seems to have fallen apart, a friendship that has stabbed you in the back. There are times when we need to let go and move on...but there are many times when we can restore if we can stay.

May the Holy Spirit give you the strength to stay and the wisdom to know when to lay down your life for another...and only if necessary when to let someone go.

Uncle Layne a Man of Joy

As a child I remember waiting for Layne, more like longing for Layne. We would make the 8-hour drive with my mom at least once a year to Bellingham to see her side of the family. I have many good memories of times spent with cousins and learning art at the hand of Grandad. But I remember longing for Layne. I couldn’t wait for the moments when he would come exploding through the door similar to Kramer but with much more presence. He filled the doorframe, his shoulders touching both sides and his arms and smile spread as wide as the threshold. He loved us dearly. Once Layne came, the day was going to be filled with joy, that is why I longed for him. Time in the park, I can still remember one summer day turning a wading pool into a swimming pool. Fully clothed my sister, Layne, and I started to play a guess which animal I am game. Layne laid on his back in the water touching his fingers to his toes and as his arms moved apart from his legs he spit water between his hands and his feet. “I’m a clam!” He laughed and shook the park with his Joy.

As I got older I got the amazing opportunity to spend nights with Layne. I didn’t have to just long for a couple of hours with this Uncle of joy I got to spend entire days and nights with him. Sleeping in the rafters of an unfinished attic, telling stories, and listening to music. I could share all of my music and he would listen to it all. Not just listen to it, dance to it, move to it, live to it. Trips to Old Fairhaven, record stores, and great breakfasts would follow. Layne was a man of joy for a young boy to look up to and long to be like. The way he loved, inspired love. I remember as a teenager attending his wedding and meeting a sweet blond. The love and joy of the wedding was infectious and inspiring and nostalgic.

As an adult, I came to see other sides to Layne, which I had not understood as a child. I saw the disappointments when joy was not found. But Layne was still a man chasing joy over and over again. He was never content to be without joy, never wanted a part of his life to be without the passion that joy brings. And the truth is, I still longed for Layne, to share in his time and in his heart. We began to share heart and mind as we spoke poetry and played music together until wee hours in the morning. We began to engage the questions of life and the universe, ever expanding possibilities, ever possible for joy.

The last time I saw Layne we shared a meal with family, we remembered Grandad, we spoke of God, angels, and the universe. And then we shared the life and joy that is music one last time. My hands strumming the guitar as he gave breathe to the harmonica. The whole house filled with Joy and when we said goodbye I was swallowed in the arms of joy from the largest man I have ever hugged. I long for you still Layne…and I pray that I might honor your memory by living with greater joy for my daughter, my wife, and my community as you did. Rest in peace my dear Uncle and Friend.

Tragedy and Chess Pieces (John 11)

How do you define Tragedy?

Sometimes I wonder what tragedy really is. I know the obvious ones: natural disasters, genocides, losing a loved one, great sickness or loss. Something tragic happens right? It seems many times that we see tragedy as sudden but many times is comes on slowly and isn’t quite as dramatic as we might think. Maybe tragedy would include a longsuffering illness, the slow decline of mental faculties, perhaps the slowly sinking into debt?

John 11 tells two stories of tragedy. In the first story Jesus is told of a rather sudden illness that has come upon his friend Lazarus. Instead of going to him Jesus waits another 3 days before setting out. He also makes some rather disturbing comments about it. Lazarus’ illness has a purpose in the glory of God. Is God just playing around with us like chess pieces to bring him glory? Some think he does. Jesus’ reaction to confronting the death of his friend however shows that even if God is uses tragedy to fulfill his purposes – he doesn’t like tragedy. Jesus wept. It’s the shortest verse in the bible. The God of the universe incarnated, weeps, is deeply moved at the loss of his friend and the pain it causes his loved ones. Jesus does bring glory out of this tragedy as he raises Lazarus from the grave and many believe that he is now the messiah – the way, the truth, and the life.

The second story of tragedy in this chapter is one of slow growing tragedy over generations of law keeping Pharisees. When people believe in Jesus the church leaders of the day see this as a threat. “If the people chase after this Jesus, the Romans will come and take our status of power and rulership away from us.” Then the high priest speaks prophesy without knowing it. “It is better for the one man to die for the many.” The tragedy here is the slow hardening of the hearts of the leaders of Israel to the final end of killing their messiah. Yet even in this, glory is brought through tragedy and we see that we are not simply pawns in this mess of pain. Jesus, God incarnate, is also a player in this game. He is the lead in this story. He doesn’t just move us around for his glory. He is with us through it all bringing glory out of the tragedy.

I haven’t had a sudden tragedy in my life lately, rather a slow creeping one called debt. Going back to school is a good choice and I am glad that God has given me this opportunity, but sometimes I wonder if I am a pawn and if I can really trust him to bring me out of this growing debt. Today I find strength to believe as I read the stories in John 11. God has a purpose of glory in mind and I must wait on him.

May we see the glory of God come out of the tragedy in our lives, may they be causes for us and those around us to believe in who he is, and while we wait may we hold on to Jesus.