Desperation for Mutton

When is it that you have felt your greatest desperation for salvation?

Have you ever felt rage just well up inside of you? Have you ever felt the need to just lash out? I don't know if this is something that you have ever had to deal with. In my family rage is part of the generational curse. It has been passed down through the generations. I am so glad my parents were able to find the strength in God to put a major stop to it. They were empowered to take it down a serious notch. Some of it still got through, the nature of sin unfortunately just seems to keep seeping through the cracks.

It has seeped right into me. I haven't ever really been physically violent other than the occasional hold the bully up against the wall episode (see earlier blogs.) But I have lashed out with a little more "truth" than needed to be said from time to time. Its more of a lack of mercy than anything else. Unfortunately I have seen this coming out more sense becoming a parent then before. I feel like such a jerk every time I am short with my daughter. Any time I have rushed her back to her bedroom for a timeout faster than I needed to or given her the evil eye and a growl. It makes me wonder what I might be passing along to her and what part of the family rage might be seeping through me into my daughter.

In Genesis 22 we have a father and son story that is hard to swallow. Abraham is asked to sacrifice his only son. He takes he son up on a mountain, the son carrying the wood he will be burned on. Abraham binds Isaac and lays him on the alter lifting the knife before God speaks again and says, "Stop!" As Abraham looks up there is the ram to take the place of his son. Can you imagine the sense of desperation Abraham is feeling. We know from Hebrews Abraham was believing God could raise Isaac from the dead. But I still don't understand how he could go through with it. The desperation in Abraham's heart for salvation as he raised the knife is palpable.

Then I think about the things I have done in my life. I think about generational patterns of behavior, habits, addictions...sin I have or will very possibly pass down to my daughter. I realize I have have bound my own dear sweet daughter and placed her on the alter deserving...death. I know she makes her own choices and she can over come sins she sees in me. It will not be my behavior in the end causing her need for the savior. But my hands tremble as I type this and my heart becomes weak, as I think of any part that I have had to play in this. I feel the desperation for salvation welling up in every part of me.

My only relief is the ram caught in the thicket. My only hope is my Jesus who died on the cross for me. My only salvation is Jesus taking not just my place but the place of my daughter and the tears of gratefulness come to my eyes. I need this salvation!!! I need the transformation of the holy spirit in my life to save me now from the sin I might inflict on my daughter or others around me. And I praise God for it.

The greatest evidence I know of for God is my own changed life and the continuing change that is occurring daily. I need it so...

Truly God is good and his mercy endures forever. Thank you Jesus for saving me and my dear sweet daughter from my sin and its awful effects. Thank you for being the ram caught in the thicket for us!