Are we training the rejected to become the rejectors?
It seems like maybe I have shared some of this story before, but it fits so well I have to do it again. I was not part of the popular group in high school. I wanted to be, but I just wasn't. I wasn't a jock I was an artist. The first half of my freshman year was pretty lonely. I was trying to find a group of friends to belong to. It just wasn't working, I wasn't able to break in, I felt like I was on the outskirts looking in.
The second half of the year I found my group of friends. The guys and girls who were also on the outside looking in. We found each other and wouldn't you know it we ended up doing the same thing that had been done to us. We became exclusive. I remember one particular shameful experience when we even kicked out one guy from our group because according to us he was misbehaving in some way. I remember thinking it was wrong then, but doing nothing about it. We just stopped hanging with him and then actually told him to get lost.
In Job 30 for about the first 15 verses or so, this same phenomena seems to be described. There is a group of men in Job's world who have been rejected by society, pushed out to the edges like dogs in a junkyard. They are now creeping back into Job's society and dishing out the same rejection they have experienced from society. Job's name becomes a byword to them, they spit on him and ridicule him.
You might think the group who has experienced rejection would have the most compassion or empathy for those who end up in the same circumstances as they are in. But it seems to go the other way around. The abused become the abusers, the accused become the accusers, the rejected become the rejectors.
I just had a great breakfast with the bible teachers from PAA. We were talking about some of the tough things the students there are going through and wondering how we can better support them. One of the situations we talked about were the kids who were on the outskirts. Some of them are still at this point the friendliest kids on campus, but they are taking a difficult dosage of rejection right now. I hope and pray they don't become bitter and begin doing unto others what has been done to them.
Donald Miller describes an allegory as to why this might be happening. We live in a life boat mentality. The ship of life is going down and we feel the panic of it all. There isn't enough room in the life boat so we have to prove we are worthy to get in. One of the easiest ways for us to do this is reject others, point out why they shouldn't make the cut or just shoulder them out by ignoring them and moving in front of them.
The truth is though, there is plenty of room for everyone in the boat of life and the boat of salvation. This is the paradigm Jesus is trying to teach us. Love your enemies, pray for those who persecute you. There is room in the boat for everyone. In Christ Jesus there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female. There is nothing to separate us from the love of Christ we are all invited, we are all included, we are all part of the in crowd.
It is a challenge to me to set aside my evaluations of people and welcome all with open arms. It is easy to walk into Walmart and look around at the crowd and think, "man I'm glad I'm not like them." But I am, I'm there too. We are all the same, we are all invited into the same boat.
If you are on the outskirts, don't let those inside teach you how to act, don't become the rejectors. If you are inside open up the circle, make it broader and look for those who are on the outside. We usually aren't being exclusive on purpose, we just don't see. So open your eyes and see, open your heart and love, open your friendship and receive. We just might be surprised by the amazing friendships waiting to be had if we would break open our circle.
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