Life is Fragile

Do you think that trust in God will bring you to unbreakable health and prosperity?

I was talking with a friend from high school the other day. He was telling me about his father's slow decline into dementia. It's a hard place to be in when you have to start taking care of you parents as if they were your children. It does strange things to your mind when these roles reverse. This family is a good God fearing family. I have another friend who has a friend who is dying from cancer. The man who is dying is a pastor and he was scheduled to be ordained in the ministry months ago, but he got sick. He dedicated his life to God and to his service. I remember having a conversation with some church members who told me their aunt had just be diagnosed with brain cancer. This was a woman who had taken care of her health all of her life believing her body was the temple of the Holy Spirit.

When these things happen we end up asking why. We wish those who really followed God would just continue in strength and health forever. Some people offer explanations. Bildad in Job chap 8 tells Job that Job's kids died because of their sin. It was a direct punishment for their evil behavior. He goes on to say Job must have the case of the boils because of a sin of his own. He then goes on to say if we rely on God then we are strong but if we don't then we are like a spider web. We have no foundation, we can be swept away at any moment. If Job would just turn back to God then God would rouse from his slumber and restore Job to the health and prestige he once held. His life would no longer be so fragile.

There are parts of this that are so true. We are on a firmer foundation with God. We do have strength to stand. He does hold us up. But we are not promised eternal health and prosperity on this earth. Our lives are fragile. There are things like germs and bacteria that cause disease and death. It does come from being in a fallen world which came from the result of sin, but getting sick doesn't mean you aren't relying of God. When you catch a cold it wasn't because you swore, when you have to go in for surgery to replace the hip that has worn our over the years it didn't wear out because you had an affair.

When we make direct comparisons like this it almost becomes laughable. But somehow we still think life is fragile because we are misbehaving or not fully relying on God. Relying on God doesn't mean our lives are not fragile. Relying on God means when we break he will carry us through. He will give us patience and endurance, he will never leave us alone, we can still be in his hands when we are broken. I am reminded of a line from the play "scars."

Jesus didn't promise us we wouldn't get scars, Jesus had scars too, he just promised us we wouldn't have to bear them alone. We have someone who understands them first hand on our side.

My we rely on God today whether we are whole or broken, knowing life is fragile and if it ends or continues we can still rest in the hands of God.

Something More

Is God really paying attention to us?

This was my question in high school and college. I grew up believing there was a God. I learned about him and I studied the bible. I was even baptized when I was 13. But as I got older I began to wonder if God was really interested in the details of my life. I believed he created everything and I believed he took care of the sin problem by sending his son. But those seemed to be the only two times he really interacted with Humans directly. OK there were lots of bible stories of God shutting the lions mouths and saving people from fiery furnaces. But those had become bedtime stories and things I remembered along the same lines as sleeping beauty and Cinderella. Nice stories fun to watch or read if I got a nostalgic kick. But I didn't see the relevance in my life.

As I got older life started to get harder. My dad's depression was one thing, but I found girlfriends to get closer to rather than God. My addiction was another thing, but I could white knuckle that one at least for a while. It was when my marriage and wife really crashed, a few years ago, and I had no where else to go I found myself fully in the arms on an intimate and involved God as he carried me through it and brought life back to my family.

Job continues his lament in chap 7. He is still struggling with the concept of being alive and he talks about the fragility of life here. He compares the life of man to the breath the wind, here and then gone. Because of this fragility he will lament and complain while he has breath to do so. His complaint is an interesting one though. Why God are you so mindful of man. Why do you pay so much attention to this fleeting breath which is a single man's life.

Somehow in the midst of all of the hardship Job finds God's mindfulness of man. I think this is true. It is interesting to me, when life gets harder some how we become more mindful of God's watchfulness. Perhaps it is because in these times we cry out to him more, because the circumstances of our lives are more than we can handle. So the truth is he was probably always there we just weren't paying attention as much before.

Scripture tells us that God sees a sparrow fall, how then can he not be watching us? Humanity, the only part of creation made in his own image. He is watching us and even when Job is crying out for death he knows God is watching over him.

May we know today, in the good or in the bad, God is mindful of us. No matter how insignificant we feel in the scheme of life especially in comparison to those around us. God is watching over us.

My personal mission statement is to share with others a God who is real and intimate and who offers us new life in the midst of spiritual warfare. I pray we might come to know this as true and recognize his watchfulness, his mindfulness of us...even today.

Fear breaking Friendship

Have you ever been so afraid of something you have seen in someone else you are scared away?

There are many things I see in this world from which I turn my gaze away. Homeless men and women on the side of the road holding up their signs for money. I don't want to make eye contact because they might just expect something from me and I either have nothing to give or I don't trust what they will do with what I give them so I don't want to give it, or I'm feeling the stress of trying to make ends meet myself and don't have a generous enough heart to give any of my own away.

There are gruesome things in the world I can't bear to look at. Stories on the news I don't want to see and I feel the media is just showing it too me so they can get ratings. These are things I don't mind looking away from.

There are things I wish I didn't run from though. When i see someone in need. Not someone on the side of the street who I don't know and I'm not sure what they will do with what I give them. But people I know, people at church, people in my circle of friends, people even in my own family. I know they are in need. I can see it on their faces and I walk the other way. Mostly because I don't feel like I have enough to give. My emotions are worn that day, I am low on sleep, I just don't have the time right now. I have so much to do if I stop to talk it will just slow me down. I won't know what to say. Or perhaps sometimes the reason we don't stop is because we fear what is going on might just be contagious and we will feel the same sorrow written in the lines on their faces.

Job replies to his friend in chap 6. He wishes once again that God would cut him off and let him die. And if God won't give that too him you would think he would at least have friends who would stand by him. But no these friends have seen his suffering and it has scared them away. Now we know they are still sitting right there. But they are trying to find something Job has done which they have not, so they can distance themselves in some way from this calamity and find themselves safe on the other side of the abyss.

What good can we actually be to our friends if we distance ourselves from them, in actual distance, lack of communication, business, or what ever else we might use as an excuse to keep us away and protected from the same fate or even in having to share in the suffering. We don't want to feel suffering, we don't like suffering, so we avoid it at every cost. But Paul tells us to morn with those who morn and weep with those who weep, to rejoice with those who rejoice and laugh with those who laugh. The only way this will be possible is if we allow ourselves to get close to them.

May we set aside our fear tonight and enter into the lives of those around us even if we might find our eyes welling up with tears as well. Not to be scared fair weather friends but to be the ones who will enter the storm in the midst of the rain not waiting for it to blow over and not carrying an umbrella either. May we be willing to get drenched.

The "Christian" blame game

Do we blame sin to quickly?

It seems to be a favorite past time of at least a few high profile Christians out there to blame natural disasters on the sin of whatever place they effect. I remember when 9/11 happened and someone out there said it is because of the sin of greed and capitalism overcoming the united states. Then hurricane Katrina happened and someone tried to blame the sin and debauchery of New Orleans. Then there came the earthquake in Haiti, it must be the voodoo government someone shouted out.

Now I am all for blaming sin for natural disasters, but only sin in general. I agree with Paul as he writes to the Romans saying, all creation groans and waits for deliverance as it is fallen in to sin as well through the one, man, who subjected it. Adam was the regent of this world and when he fell he gave regency over to Satan. So all creation fell along with humanity. But we get to carried away too quickly when it comes to blaming particular natural disasters on particular people.

In Job 4-5 Job's first friend speaks up. He hears the rant of Job against the day of his birth and his wish to no longer be living and he just can't stand it any more. He must speak. Job don't you know terrible things only happen to the wicked? You don't see the evil in this world prosper and the righteous go down in flames. It's just not how things work. God promises blessings to the righteous and curses to the wicked. Job get over this whole wishing you were dead thing and blaming all of this on life and repent man, move forward get past it.

What kind of world is this guy living in??? The wicked prosper all over the place, those who cheat get ahead here. Those who work hard and do good can also get ahead here. Many of the wicked work very hard at being wicked and do very well. Add to this the rain falls on both the righteous and the wicked. Stuff just happens. We live in a fallen world with a regent who is happy to take us out. We know from the beginning of this book the devil is behind this mess. Which people would the devil rather see winning? The righteous or the wicked after all?

But somehow it is more prudent to take calamity upon ourselves. Some how we just aren't allowed to say this life sucks. The problem is living in a fallen world suffering is part of life. There are times in life when we feel it more than others and it can't all just be blamed on current active sin. There is plenty that can be. When we murder it hurts people, when we abuse our children it hurts people, when we reject the less popular it hurts people. But which one of you is able to stir up a whirlwind and crush a house or drown a city? I'm sorry those things are outside of our power. Unless you're Storm from the X-men I suppose.

It is good for us to get write with God and recognize we fall short with the rest of humanity. Job did this regularly he offered sacrifices daily for himself and his children. But sometimes life in a fallen world just sucks and sometimes we need to be able to say so without someone getting all freaked out and trying to fix it by finding the one to blame.

Next time you are tempted to look for the cause of deep personal suffering realize it just might be beyond any of our control and give credit where credit is due. We still live in a fallen world and sometimes life sucks. Relax let it go and rest in the promise of hope God has given us, it won't last forever.

Can God handle our laments? Can his church?

How authentic are you with God, really authentic?

My wife and I have a tendency to share our lives with those we meet. Both when we are in smaller groups and when we are in front of larger groups. I have this conviction, if faith doesn't interact with life then what's the point. We have gotten in trouble for this from time to time. There is a belief out there, our lives are not the to be the subject of sermons or worship. I agree they are not to be the main point. They are to be the illustrations. This is what scripture is all about. God interacting with the lives of people. We see who he is by the way he enters lives and we see our faith by the way we interact with the world. As James said - I will show you my faith by what I do. We share our lives, we share our stories, we share how God is interacting with us in a real and true way. We don't need to polish things up and make them shine so they are prettier to look at, we share life with one another and through life we find a more substantial faith.

Sometimes we think we need to polish things not only for the people we shake hands with in the lobby but for God as well. We hold back what is really happening in our lives. We can't actually be angry with God, we can't doubt him, we can be depressed. We have to pray with praise and goodness on our lips only.

In Job 3 he doesn't hold anything back, he doesn't make anything easier to swallow or cover things up with fake praise. He does not curse God and he does not sin, but he doesn't mellow it out for public consumption. He curses the day he was born, he wishes the sun had never shone on it. He prays the day of his birth would never have been added to the year or been placed in the month. He wishes there had been no knees to receive him and no breast to nurse him. He cries out with all the anguish and lament in his soul. In the presence of God and the presence of the three friends sitting with him in the dirt. He doesn't hold anything back. We know his heart, his real true authentic heart.

There are times in our lives we have these same feelings. There are times when these same words have been spoken in our home. There are times when we just want the rest it seems only the grave has to offer. Here's the thing, God can handle it. God can handle our lamentations and our sorrow. He is strong enough to bear the things we cannot. And if we are the body of Christ, then we should be able to bear it as well. We need to be available to listen to the great joy and the great lament of those around us. We need not put on the plastic masks of "everything's fine."

My challenge to you today is to be authentic in your relationships. There was a time when preachers use to talk about getting real with Jesus. Let's get more real with Jesus then just asking him into the spruced up version of our hearts. Let's get real with the cluttered and aching parts as well. And let's get real with each other, with the body of Christ. Open yourself up to the hearts of those around you so you can share your life and faith with them, and so they can share their life and faith with you.

Lament if you need to, God can handle it. And I pray that his church can too.

Sitting in Sadness

Have you ever just run out of words?

In the last few weeks, my wife has been in a low energy cycle. She is just out of energy and needs more rest. This is frustrating to her because she wants to up and moving and contributing to life. As the frustration grows its harder to move and contribute and get up. But talking is not the thing that seems to help. There really isn't a whole lot to say. Have you ever been in that place where you're kinda stuck but you don't have anything to say, because everything to say is just the same stuff over and over and over again.

In Job 2 his friends show up and when they see him they realize there is nothing to say. So they sit down in the dust and dirt with Job and that's all they do. They just sit there for 7 days. From the way the rest of this book goes, I think this is probably the best thing they actually did. Sometimes the best thing we can do in the midst of such suffering is just be there for people. Just be there.

This is called the power of presence. Something is passed on between two people just by being together. Sitting there in silence holding a hand looking across the room or the dust pile. Somehow there is solace in silence and presence.

I'm not sure what else to say really. I remember the night I found out one of my students had fallen out of a tree and there was a good chance he wasn't going to walk again. I went to the hospital that night and I just stayed. The student was in surgery, but it didn't look good. I didn't have anything amazing to say, I am not really a man of many words to start with. But I stayed there with the dad and we cried and we waited. I still have a sketch I made during a church service a couple of weeks later. Its a small half sheet of paper suck to my office fridge with a magnet. It is a picture in blue ink of a boy rising out of a wheel chair with a basket ball sailing through the air towards the hoop.

I had another moment just yesterday when I stopped and paused in silence to look at the picture and pray as I have done throughout the years for the day when Brad will walk again.

If there is someone in deep suffering near you today, just show up, just be there. You don't have to speak you only need to be present.

Fall into God

How many of us can worship God in the midst of disaster?

At church this weekend we saw a clip of a documentary called "out of the rubble" about the earthquake in Haiti and the stories of those who have survived it. The story shared was of a boy who was on his way to his grandparents house. As he started up the stairs the quake began. When it started to shake he ran faster up the stairs, but it kept shaking and then the walls came down and he was pinned underneath by his leg. A rescue worker finally came and cut the iron pinning his leg. The ended up amputating his leg and we saw video of him hobbling around on crutches. The strange thing is, he still had a smile on his face. He was still playing with his friends, he was still laughing. The last shot of the clip he is sitting in the tent he is now living in and says,"a house with a tin roof is better than a tent, it is stronger. But if you give me a tent, I will take the tent, I will take the tent."

In Job chap 1 we have the story of a man who is righteous before God. He even makes a sacrifice each day for each of his children. Praying to God for them because one of them might have cursed God in their heart without knowing it. He is even recognized in the counsel of heaven as a righteous man. The Devil is there as the ruler of this world and says, "of course he is righteous you have blessed him, he has no reason to curse you." So God gives Job's possessions and family into the hands of the Devil. In one day everything is destroyed or stolen. All of Job's livestock is gone and all of his children are crushed under the weight of his oldest son's house as they are feasting together.

What is the response of this righteous man? He shaves his head and falls down on his face to worship God. "Naked I came into this world and naked I will be taken out. The Lord gives and he takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Absolutely heart broken dependence on God. There is nothing else he can do. He can't bring them back, he can't change a thing. All he can do is fall into God.

I can't imagine losing my child. I know some of you reading this have. I am about to attend a chapel where a mother on the anniversary of her son's suicide will be once again encouraging students, as she did a year ago, not to go down this road. The pain driving her to share with these kids must be immense.

What kind of faith does it take to fall down and worship in tragedy. All I know of from my own darkest times is a realization there is no where else to go. If I turned away from God in those moments, where else would I turn? There is no other place I can think of to go that would be helpful in any way.

I could drowned myself in addiction, I could harden myself to any emotion and live only doing my duty, I could go into my house and never come out again. But what good would any of this accomplish? I could reject God and live a life without faith bitter at the world. Once again what good would that do?

If you find your self in the midst of disaster and great suffering. I pray you and I would fall into God as Job did. For what else can we do, but depend on him and let him hold us when our legs, reason, and strength fail.

Someone get that guy a mood ring

Have you ever felt wind whipped by your emotions?

I have been working on my office this week. It's kind-of a strange little corner office in the back of the church. It's away from everything else officish so I don't get the busy office in and out back there and I can just work. But it is so out of the way I don't think the decorators ever got back there. It was still just white walls with some holes still cut in them. It needed some TLC. So with the help of some wonderful student volunteers and a couple of parents it has now been repainted. I have also gotten some new furniture for it and have been building bookshelves and shopping for new seating. This is all very exciting. I can't wait until it's all done!

But the problem is, it's not done. My emotions are torn, while I am glad to have the opportunity to redo my office, I am also worn out at the thought of getting it all together. I am so glad we had a work bee at the church on Sunday because I don't know how long it would have taken me to actually schedule a day to work on this. I am excited, I am annoyed that I need a stud finder and don't have one (I do now thanks, share), I am weary as I look at the hall full of my stuff. All these things are fluxing back and forth.

In Genesis 50 we have the story of the death of Israel. There is a massive morning procession to Canaan with Egyptian officials and everything to bury the body of Israel in the tomb of Abraham and the rest of his ancestors. After everyone comes back from the burial and the mourning Joseph's brothers get scared. They think Joseph might still be ticked at them for the whole selling him into slavery thing. They decide they will write a letter and say it's from Israel asking Joseph to forgive his brothers for what they had done. Joseph begins to weep.

There are so many possible reasons whey this weeping could be happening. He could be still feeling some of the pain of being sold into slavery. He could still be mourning his father's death. He could be sad his brothers can't ask forgiveness for themselves and have to use his dead father to do it. He could be sad his father would think he still hadn't forgiven his brothers. He could be weeping because his brothers still haven't accepted his forgiveness and haven't believed him when he said they were forgiven. I have a feeling it is a mixture of some if not all of these.

Whatever the case may be Joseph continues to define his life with faith and kindness. He tells his brothers once again, they had intended evil but God intended good. He has been placed there in Egypt so save the lives of many. Then scripture says he spoke kindly to his brothers reassuring them.

My prayer today is even if we don't know what to do, if our emotions are tossing us this way and that, we would live a life of faith and kindness. I want to trust in God, he has made a plan for my life and I am walking in it the best I know how. I want to be kind to others, even if I am struggling with forgiveness towards them or with them trusting me. Anger in these situations is never helpful. Kind words, faith, trust in God and in one another. These are the things I pray for today.

May faith, trust, and kindness, be our anchors today even when we are swaying in the emotional winds.

A word from the Lord

Has God ever told you just what you needed to hear even if you didn't want to hear it?

We have stopped morning TV at our house at least on school days. It was very convenient for a while there. I could put on a good pbs kids show while Lorelai ate her breakfast and it would give me a chance to take a shower and get ready to go. The problem was Lorelai didn't want to go to preschool. She would wine and complain about not liking school, her teachers, and her friends. I knew this wasn't true because when she got to school she loved it there and when we pick her up she is so happy and hugging her friends goodbye. I had a suspicion it just might be the TV and her desire to watch the next show actually bringing on the complaining.

So I told Lorelai about a month ago now, no more TV on school mornings. She asked why of course and I told her its because you wine and complain about going to school when you watch TV. Well this is something she didn't want to hear and so she argued, "no I don't" and then she continued to wine only proving my point. While she still asks from time to time if she can watch a "bideo" in the morning when I say no she usually lets it go and she is much more cheerful about going to school.

Some times it is really difficult to hear the truth about ourselves and the consequences of our behavior. In gen 47-49 Israel seems to be blessing everyone. First Pharaoh, then his grandsons, this his sons before he dies. I have always thought of blessings as something good, a good word share with someone about the hope you have for their lives. But it's not that way with Israel's sons. He starts with Ruben and is sounds like a blessing to begin with his first born and his strength, but then he tells Ruben he is done. There is good reason for it, Ruben defiled his father's bed. This just isn't what I am used to thinking of as a blessing. Israel goes on to describe each of his son's lives to come. Simeon and Levi are also in trouble because of their out of check anger, another son will be involved with the sea, another given to hard labor, another great with food, another beat up but after the heals of his attackers.

It seems to me a blessing in this context is more a word from the Lord. Something we need to hear for the sake of our lives. This blessing of Israel even includes the prophecy of kingship in Judah's line. This is so very far off in history, yet Israel has been given this insight by God. I wonder what God's word for me might be today. I have played with the idea of teaching someday or college chaplaincy, would God include one of these futures for me if I was to receive a blessing today? Or would the word for today be a rebuke for something in my life? Then the question comes who would speak such a blessing? And would I recognize it once it was spoken?

I would like to encourage each of us today to be open to the blessing God might have for us today. I would also like to encourage each of us to be open to a blessing God might have some of us speak to someone else today. I also pray we have the courage to speak up whether it be something wanted or unwanted.

Holy Spirit speak to us today, give us the opportunity, the ears to hear, the words to speak, and the compassion with which to say them.

Blessing the King!

How is it that regular people can have an effect on the great?

I'm sitting in the bi-partisan cafe right now. All around me are pictures of presidents. Pictures of great men and the causes they fought for. In the cafe are random average people. A group of college students sporting the beards they just got old enough to grow, a middle aged woman with a sweater vest, a stressed 30 yr old man with his forehead in his hand probably trying to figure out why his iphone isn't syncing with his macbook pro.

How do these two different groups of people ever interact? The great and the average. The renowned and the invisible. Is it by putting something like this blog out into the middle of cyberspace, will anyone of great renown read what I am writing today in this obscure little cafe in Portland, OR? Perhaps someone in here isn't average or invisible, perhaps someone in here is of great renown and I just don't know it. If we average people came into contact with the great what would we say? What would I have to offer a person of great renown?

In Gen 47 Joseph brings 5 of his brothers and his father into meet Pharaoh. He has instructed them to tell Pharaoh they are shepherds because shepherds are detestable to Egyptians and then Pharaoh will allow them to live in the land of Goshen. So we have 6 detestable shepherds walking into the throne room of Pharaoh. These guys aren't just average approaching greatness they are detestable approaching greatness. They tell Pharaoh what they were instructed to say by Joseph and sure enough Pharaoh says they can live in Goshen and if there are any among them truly gifted he would like to them to look after his own livestock. This is when something unexpected happens. Israel blesses Pharaoh!

How does this happen? How does the detestable shepherd end up blessing Pharaoh? Pharaoh asks Israel how old he is. Israel's reply is, "the years of my journey has been one hundred and thirty not a long time according to the lives of my fathers." I don't think it is just the number of years warranting the blessing. I think it was the years of his journey. The years of his journey with God, there was something more there Pharaoh recognized. Israel didn't say much, but there was something in his presence in who he had become on this journey, they way God had shaped him and Pharaoh must have seen it, because he allowed Israel to bless him.

From time to time I wonder what it is that gives me any right to stand up in front of a congregation and preach, to teach anything in a class, even to write this blog. On what ground do I speak, teach, or write. The only thing I have is God, his word, and my journey with him. This is the only ground I have to stand on. But here is the thing, it's enough. The average shepherd came in contact with a King and he blessed him, because of his journey with God.

What journey are you on today? What are the years of your journey shaping you into? Most importantly who are you on this journey with? A journey with God in faith will give you the ground not only to bless a king, but the average people who are sitting around you as well.

Journey with God, be a blessing!

Blessings from God???

When blessings come our way do we seek the Lord before we open our hands?

I was watching a rather famous preacher on TV the other day. I was home visiting my parents for the weekend and I decided to take a week off of church attendance, but I turned on the TV to see if I could catch a worship service from the comfort of my parent’s living room. There was a variety to choose from but I stopped on a church that I had been to before in person to see what the pastor had to say.

He was talking about Israel being a chosen people and the blessings that were promised to them if they followed God. The blessings in Deuteronomy are really quite significant. They talk of financial blessing, never getting sick or illness, and a number of other things to add to the prosperity of the chosen, who follow God. The preacher went onto say, when people see these blessings in the lives of the chosen they will be drawn to know the source of the blessing and thus become interested in who God is.

The insinuation in this line of reasoning for me is, if there is a blessing coming our way, if we are about to receive financial blessing or prosperity of any kind for our family it must be from God and we need to receive it with open arms.

Israel, Jacob, challenges this philosophy in Gen 46. He has the invitation from Joseph to bring the family and Joseph will give them the land of Goshen to live in. So the family packs up and gets ready to go. But they make a stop on the way or rather before the way. Israel offers sacrifices and prays to God. God comes in a vision in the night to Israel and tells him it will be OK, it is good for them to go into the land of Egypt and God will bring the family out again. He doesn’t tell Israel it will be after 400 years of slavery, God doesn’t tell him of the plagues or the red sea, he just says go ahead and I will bring them out.

Israel doesn’t ask how either. He comes to God to find out if this blessing of a rich land is meant for he and his family to move to. God tells him it is the right place for them to go and he will bring them out again. Israel does question the gift to make sure it is from God, but he does not question God. This is a more significant trust in God then most of us live our lives with, me included.

When good things come my way, I say thank you God for this blessing for this financial opportunity for the prosperity you are turning my way, no questions asked. But when God has something in mind for my life I often ask him how. I often question what he will do, how this is going to play out, please give me some wisdom or discernment so I might know how this will be accomplished, what I’m suppose to do for the desired outcome, and what the result will be.

This isn’t trust in God; this is trust in circumstances and the way in which I can best control the situation. Israel has all the reasons in the world to make sure things are going to work out. He has 70 members of his immediate family to think about. He brings the blessing to God, he surrenders himself to God through sacrifice, and when God gives him the answer he acts! He doesn’t stay around to talk about it, he acts, he moves his entire family to Goshen.

May we learn to trust God like this. Before we accept the obvious blessing or gain being handed to us on a silver platter, may we surrender it to God and seek his will. Then without question move forward with the answer we are given.

May we question the blessings but not the God who may or may not be giving them.

The Flood of Forgiveness

What is it that holds you back from generosity?

I was driving through the gorge yesterday on my way to visit my parents. One of the most impressive sites along the columbia river gorge is the dam at The Dalles. I love watching the power of the water when it comes pushing through the dam. The explosion of raw power as it foams and froths out of the concrete walls. The water brings life though the electricity produced, by watering the gardens and farms, by providing transportation and recreation for all the boats out there. There was one place we cruised by that must have had 30 fishing boats all gathered together. It reminds me of the joy and recreation I have shared with my dad on the river fishing in Alaska, Colorado, Oregon, and Idaho.

I remember the first trip that I took to Alaska with my dad. There was lots of fishing to be done. My dad always wanted me to be catching fish so if he would get one on the line and I didn't have one he would hand the fishing pole over to me so I could bring it in. Every afternoon we would spend some time together in the lodge playing games and reading a book together. My dad doesn't really like playing games, but for me he would and he had fun doing it as well. I remember these times when dad poured his life into me. I remember them especially strong as I sit here in his house with some of the fish from Alaska mounted on the wall and his birthday celebration to be had this afternoon.

But just as the dam holds back the life the water can pour forth on the land, bitterness can hold back the love and life we would pour forth on our families. In Gen 45 Joseph can't stand it any longer and he has to tell his brothers who he is. He is breaking apart like the dam cracking and gushing forth Joseph begins to weep. He sends all his attendants out, but it doesn't do much good because his weeping can be heard all the way into Pharaoh's house. As I read this story it became very apparent to me Joseph had finally experienced forgiveness, I can just see the repentance of bitterness and un-forgiveness in his life breaking apart the dam and the life and love for his family finally able to flow forth. Once the flow begins it can't be stopped, he give words of forgiveness to his brothers, he gives land to his family, he gives clothing to all his family, he sends carts to bring his family back, and he sends donkey's loaded with provisions and silver to his father.

I know that bitterness has been a dam for me at different times just over little things. Laura doesn't help with the dishes and I hold back affection, Lorelai hurts my ears by yelling to loud and I hold back a kind word, there are plenty of these things we do subconsciously. If we could be fulling accepting and fully forgiving to those around us, the generosity of love allowed to flow through us would fill and bring life to those who come in contact with us.

I pray today to be free from any bitterness any sense of vengeance or payback, any type of justified self-righteousness so love affection, and encouragement can generously flow from God through me to those in my life. Let us repent as Joseph did for repentance is our forward motion it is the agent of change in our lives and the key setting us free.

The connection of pain

Is pain really the best way for us to connect?

I ran into an old friend of mine today. He told be of a great tragedy that had taken place in his life. It was a tragedy that I could understand because of the things that have happened in my own life. We were on the same page in so many of the different painful things in our married lives. And even though his pain went a step further than mine has gone, we found a sense of connection in understanding one another's pain.

I look back on that conversation today and I see it as a divine appointment. I feel like God brought me to the place and time that I needed to be in so I could connect with this friend. I think this is true, I do think that God brought me here. I wonder sometimes why pain is the thing that connects us. If we really want to get deep with someone then we share our pain. If we want to really know a person, to really understand what is happening in their lives, then we just need to share with one another the hard things that we have been going through in life. These are the moments in which we will find true significance. This seems sad to me, and I wonder if there is a deeper way to connect, is there something deeper than pain?

In Genesis 44 when Benjamin is found with the silver cup in his sack and the brothers go back before Joseph. Judah describes the situation they are in by telling Joseph that their father is so tied to Benjamin, they are so connected life to life, that if Benjamin does not come home to their father is will drive Israel's gray head to the grave. So therefore Judah must take the place of Benjamin as the slave of Joseph.

What ties the life of Israel so directly and closely to Benjamin's life? The answer is pain. Israel lost Joseph and he can't bear the thought of loosing Benjamin the only son, after Joseph, left from the wife whom he truly loved. It is pain that brings them close it is pain that ties a Father's life to a son's. Couldn't there be something more? Couldn't there be something better?

Couldn't love be the thing that draws them near? Couldn't joy be the deeper connection? We say that Jesus understands us because he was tempted in every way that we were. So Jesus gets us because he understands our pain. Jesus connects to us because he took on human flesh and all the pain and suffering that comes with that flesh.

But isn't it true our deeper connection with Christ is his creating us? He made us, he knows us inside and out. Jesus didn't come to this world to understand our pain. Jesus came to this world to bring us back to glory and joy. For the joy that was set before him he endured the cross. Because he knew that we could once again be in full relationship with him in a place where there will be no pain where sorrow and suffering will be no more, this is the reason he suffered and died.

I remember my wife saying to me once that if she didn't feel the guilt tied into the "should" of giving our daughter food she wasn't sure where the motivation to feed her well would come from. I replied by telling her it would come from her love for our daughter. I had a guy ask me once if not believing in ever burning hell lessoned my motivation for evangelism. I replied by telling him that my motivation was not to sell fire insurance to people for their souls, but to offer them life and joy and peace in Christ.

Now I don't want to belittle by connection with my friend today at all. It was a significant thing for us to connect through our mutual pain. And Paul tells us in the letter to the romans if we love sincerely we will weep with those who weep and morn with those who morn. But he also ays that we will rejoice with those who rejoice. I think joy just might be the longer lasting connection. I think Joy might actually be the more significant moment to identify with someone and have our lives tied with theirs. I think this because there is a promise in the end of no more sorrow and no more suffering. Jesus will wipe every tear from our eyes. I don't think when the tears are gone the love and the connection will be gone also. I think it will be greater and deeper.

So may we pursue joy today. May we pursue the deeper connection and the truer moments of significance learning how to share joy, and goodness, and the sweetness of the moments we have in life. For sorrow may last for the night, but joy comes in the morning.

I'm not saying, "don't weep with people." I'm just saying lets be as intentional about finding connection in the moments of joy as we are in the moments of pain, maybe even more so.

The Fear of Pain

How often do we hold back for the fear of our own pain?

I had an absolutely great lunch yesterday. The food was good to be sure, but the company and the reason for the lunch was even better. I was meeting with the new youth sabbath school team at my church. After three and a half years of teaching sabbath school on my own except for when I "needed" a sub, cause I was out of town, I finally have a team of people planning to teach with me!!!! There are amazing and exciting things on the horizon and the ideas flowing around the table were just great. So why am I still scared? Why do I still feel hesitant?

I am completely excited about the volunteers and the amazing ideas each of them bring along with their giftedness. But I am scared of my own leadership ability or lack there of. I fear I will fail in leading this group of amazing people. I fear I won't facilitate this team well and they will feel unappreciated, untrained, unresourced, and burn-out. The ministry potential with a team is amazing, the life giving potential to students with this team is beyond belief. I just hope we can go beyond my leadership potential. The whole law of the lid thing, no team can rise above the leader. Thanks John Maxwell.

In Genesis 43 the Israel family has run out of food again. The grain purchased in Egypt is gone and they need to get some more. Israel calls his sons in and tells them to go back to Egypt and get some more food. They remind him they can not go back unless they take Benjamin with them. The man in charge, Joseph, will not see them if they do not have Benjamin with them. Judah tells his father he can hold Judah personally responsible for Benjamin and then tacks on they could have made it to Egypt and back again twice by this time if Israel had just let them take Benjamin with them to begin with. This means Simeon has been stuck in jail for a while. Israel is holding back for the pain he fears. He was hurt too much already when he lost Joseph, he just can't go through it again. But finally he gives in and tells the brothers to go.

They say in order for us to change the pain to stay the same must be greater then the pain to change. Israel took this to the limit. If he didn't send Benjamin his family would starve and he waited until the last minute to go.

I know I want to work with this amazing team of people. I know staying the same and just working this ministry by myself has already taken one swipe at my marriage and it will do so again if it gets the chance. I know the number of student lives impacted by more mentors will grow exponentially with this team.

The pain to stay the same truly is greater then the pain to change. I pray for the courage and leadership abilities to see this through. But the beautiful thing is God was the one who put Joseph were he needed to be and Joseph was the "evil man" who was perceived to be the threat. In the same way where my lid stops God just keeps on going. So even in the places where I fall short in my leadership God is really the only one who can lead this team anyway, he is the only one who can sustain them, and he is the one who has gifted and called them.

May you recognize the next time you are worried about moving forward for the pain it would bring if it failed, there is someone greater orchestrating the movement of our lives. He also has the power to heal us from the wounds of the past, so we can be all the more courageous in the future.

Playing God

Have you ever tired to play God?

There are days when I just want to be God. I just want to get into peoples minds and tell them to shape up. i want to make them shape up. I want to make myself shape up. I want to have all the best answers to all the hardest questions and I want to cause people to listen too them and believe them. I just had a totally off night with my student leadership group. We were just all gone into left field somewhere. I have no idea what exactly was going on. I know I was tired and I wasn't prepared like I wanted to be so I gave half developed answers to some really significant questions. It feels like we had a stall. We have been flying at 50,000 feet so far this year and we had a stall. The engines started to cough and sputter and then we started to fall out of the sky. I was able to start a reserve engine and then crank back on the stick and we landed. It was rough but we landed.

I wanted to jump start all of our hearts and minds I wanted to have the rudder controls for each mind there. I wanted to turn things around to get us back in the air. I wanted to play God. I wanted to have control.

Gen 42 Joseph decides that he wants to play God. His brothers show up and he decides to put them to the test and get a little pay back at the same time. He calls them spies, throws them all in prison, keeps one of them, sends to others to fetch the youngest brother to prove their story, and on top of all that he puts their silver back into their bags of grain just to play with their minds. I get the feeling Joseph is really trying to play God with the minds, hearts, and consciences.

The problem with saying we want to play God in any of these ways is God doesn't play God. He doesn't control our minds, our hearts, or our choices. This gives us the change to royally mess up and hurt people like there is no tomorrow, but it also gives us the change to love. We can choose to give love, commitment, and service to him and to the others around us. We are able to create and inspire others and to be inspired by what God and others have created.

This is one of the many reasons I am glad I'm not God. If I was things might be more controlled and efficient in student leadership, but man would it be boring and the nights when I am off everyone else would be too and they wouldn't have any choice to do differently.

Thank you God for giving us thought and choice, thank you for creating us to be creative. Thank you for my student leaders and thank you for another week and another change to get back off the ground.

When God moves

Does the wind ever move your soul?

I have a love for the wind, I always have ever sense I was a kid. I remember climbing up into the top of the willow tree in our back yard when I was 5 or 6 especially on windy days. I would climb up to the very top branches and sway with the tree in the wind. I remember going to Alaska when I was probably 13 there was a massive windstorm one night. We had just come back from fishing and I was standing on the dock leaning at what felt like a 45 degree angle into the wind letting it sustain me and hold me up. I loved riding in our family speed boat with the wind blowing in my face. I used to sit in my office in Denver doing my devotions and watch the wind blow through the leaves on the birch trees and feel like God was whispering to me. I have rediscovered a love for the wind with the scooter, Vespa, we purchased. A night ride is the best, cruising along in the dark with the wind moving through my helmet and wiping through my coat.

Scripture compares those who are moved by the Spirit of God with those who are moved by the wind. They move where ever the spirit blows, when the wind blows the changes can be very subtle or very dramatic. The wind may simply blow a scent of lavender, just a hint of what it coming next or it may blow a piece of straw through a sheet of plywood, send a title wave, completely changing the face of geography.

Gen 41 seems to be the moment then the prison door is opened and the wind, Spirit of God, blows through Joseph's life in a fresh and renewing way. He has had small breezes all along. But now he gets a true zephyr. Pharaoh can't sleep for his dreams. Joseph is remembered and is called to give the interpretation which he does through the spirit of God. Pharaoh then says, "What other man do we know who is as wise and discerning as this man who is filled with the Spirit of God." He puts Joseph in charge of the whole land of Egypt. The Spirit has just come through Joseph like a hurricane. He has gone from prisoner in charge of the prison waiting (see previous blog) for 2 years to 2nd in the kingdom, only lower than pharaoh because of the throne.

Why is Joseph chosen? Because he was a man full of the Spirit of God. Steven and 6 others are chosen in the book of Acts because they are full of the Spirit of God. Samson pulls down the house because of the Spirit of God. 12 men speak in multitudes of different languages because of the Spirit of God. Jesus comes back from the grave by the Spirit of God. And Paul promises us the same Spirit is available to us. The same wind that blew Jesus out of the grave can blow in our lives. Awakening our bones, our spirits, our hearts, our minds to the life and purposes of God.

I don't know about you, but I pray the Spirit of God would whip through not just my hair, but my heart, mind, soul, and strength. Great things will not be done by our strength or might, but by my Spirit says the Lord. Whether God is simply whispering in your ear right now or blowing with hurricane force, i pray that you would open yourself up to his leading.

When God moves, I want to be moved!

We will wait!

Have you ever found yourself in a job you just really aren't sure why you are there?

I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine who isn't sure why they are still working at the place they are working. There is all kinds of internal turmoil, they aren't really very passionate about the work, there is some job satisfactions when something is well done and they love the people they are working with, but it just really isn't fulfilling. So the question comes up, well why don't you switch jobs? Because I don't really know what I want to do if I did switch.

I have had these conversations with other friends who are pastors as well. The questions coming up in these conversations come more from frustrations with the way things are going in the church. It might be troublesome members, but usually it has more to do with the vision they have of what ministry could be and the obstacles in getting there. I have these thoughts from time to time. If only I had the right people involved in youth ministry. If only we could make the main worship service more inspiring for teenagers. If only our elders, staff, and leadership had a truly clear sense of the mission for our church, especially if it matched my vision we could really be going places.

This conversation reminded me of what I read in Gen chap 40. Joseph has taken the wrap for the seduction of Potiphar's wife. He is thrown into prison. One of the most interesting details in this story is the prison is the the house of the chief of the guard. Now I have heard the story told with the suggestion potiphar didn't really believe his wife, because he didn't have Joseph killed on the spot. This seemed to make sense, but it is even clearer when you consider who the chief of the guard is. It's Potiphar! Joseph is still in Potiphar's house! He is in the dungeon to be sure. He is no longer running the household, but he is running the prison. In fact when the Pharaoh's cup bearer and baker get thrown in prison the bible says the Chief of the guard, Potiphar, places them under Joseph! This is just so bizarre. Joseph is still running things for Potiphar.

So Joseph tells the cup bearer, let pharoah know about my gift, let him know I'm stuck here. He doesn't want to remain in prison even though he is in charge and still working for the same boss. He has got to be desperate to get out of there. He has a God given vision of what his life and ministry are to look like. But he can't seem to get anyone else to see the picture. So he is stuck working for the same guy in a demoted situation and pleading for the cup bearer to remember him and get him out of there.

Sometimes when we want change so bad we can taste it, the answer we get from on high is wait. I'm not talking about your boss or supervisor of course they are going to say wait, or rather do what I say and don't rock the boat. I'm talking about God. We are working our fingers to the bone, we have gotten as far as we think we can get, our desire is to do greater things for God, and his answer if wait. I hard for me to even type that word w...a...i...t!

So we wait, and we serve where God has placed us. We find moments and ways in which God's passion burns through us in our current situations. We find moments of supernatural power for understanding dreams and visions and we also continue to serve in the prison. Wait...

OK God, I will wait, my friend will wait, and all of you out there, will you wait? God knew what he had in mind for Joseph and he knows the plans he has for us, not to harm us but to prosper us to give us a hope and a future.

So...we will wait!

Yin and Yang?

Do we need the shadow to prove the sunshine?

One of the comments I got on a blog a few days ago referenced a world philosophy which believes both good and evil are necessary, therefore there really isn't any good or evil. All things in the end turn out to be good. You need the hardships in life as much as the blessings in order to shape your character and bring you to the best end. This sounds very truthful at first glance. All things work together for those who love God right? So all things therefore end up being good. The hardships are the things that produce perseverance, and perseverance produces character. Paul teaches contentment in all things.

This seems to be what is taught in Genesis 39. Joseph is sold into slavery sure, but he is purchased by the captain of the guard and ends up in charge of his whole household. The trials of slavery and a master's seducing wife do land him in jail, but even there he ends up on top. He is placed in charge of the whole prison. So These things just teach us to serve God, live with integrity, and persevere. In the end God will bless and we will be better for it. So it was all good right? Being sold into slavery, getting thrown in jail, It all works out in the end, so its all good.

This philosophy works out especially in this suburban life in which I live. Things in general are good and blessed and the little snags that we run into like...oh...depression, credit card debt, car troubles. These things really do just shape my character and I need to learn how to be content in the midst of them.

But this philosophy goes horribly wrong we I go beyond my suburban life to other parts of the world and into history. Children sold into the sex trade as infants, genocide, cannibalism, the holocaust. Then we come back home and I remember the friends who have had miscarriages giving birth to still babies, domestic violence and sexual abuse leaving mothers and children scared for life. Rape and murder for wearing the wrong color bandanna or because someone wants your shoes. I'm sorry these things are just plain evil. No, I'm not sorry at all. I'm outraged, hot tears fill my eyes, my jaw clenches I begin to breathe faster.

These things are EVIL!!! There is good and there is evil, there are things that are just plain evil. Yes we endure them, yes they can make us stronger, yes God uses them for our good, but that doesn't make them good! An infant hired by strangers for their sexual pleasure is not good, thousands of people being killed for their race isn't good, mental illness isn't good, miscarriages aren't good. Don't let anyone try to tell you that they are. They just aren't! They're evil!

So why does God allow them? Do we really need the shadow to prove the sunshine? Do we need to see the darkness of evil so that we can know the light of good? Unfortunately this answer seems to be yes. This evil world wasn't God's original plan, but it is here now and it has to run it's course so we can see what it means to walk away from God. So we can know what is good and what is evil, and know we never want evil to raise its head again.

The end will be glorious and filled with light and we will know it all the better because we have survived the darkness, but it doesn't mean that the darkness is good. It means the darkness is evil and we never ever want it to come back again.

So while we are here may we endure, may we grow in character, may we have the dedication and purity of Joseph, and may God use all things for our good. But may we never call the evil...good, the shadow...light, or hell...heaven. There is something better still to come a land where we no longer need the sun or lamp for the Father and the Son are its light. A place were sorrow and suffering will be no more and evil will be gone for good.