The Fear of Pain

How often do we hold back for the fear of our own pain?

I had an absolutely great lunch yesterday. The food was good to be sure, but the company and the reason for the lunch was even better. I was meeting with the new youth sabbath school team at my church. After three and a half years of teaching sabbath school on my own except for when I "needed" a sub, cause I was out of town, I finally have a team of people planning to teach with me!!!! There are amazing and exciting things on the horizon and the ideas flowing around the table were just great. So why am I still scared? Why do I still feel hesitant?

I am completely excited about the volunteers and the amazing ideas each of them bring along with their giftedness. But I am scared of my own leadership ability or lack there of. I fear I will fail in leading this group of amazing people. I fear I won't facilitate this team well and they will feel unappreciated, untrained, unresourced, and burn-out. The ministry potential with a team is amazing, the life giving potential to students with this team is beyond belief. I just hope we can go beyond my leadership potential. The whole law of the lid thing, no team can rise above the leader. Thanks John Maxwell.

In Genesis 43 the Israel family has run out of food again. The grain purchased in Egypt is gone and they need to get some more. Israel calls his sons in and tells them to go back to Egypt and get some more food. They remind him they can not go back unless they take Benjamin with them. The man in charge, Joseph, will not see them if they do not have Benjamin with them. Judah tells his father he can hold Judah personally responsible for Benjamin and then tacks on they could have made it to Egypt and back again twice by this time if Israel had just let them take Benjamin with them to begin with. This means Simeon has been stuck in jail for a while. Israel is holding back for the pain he fears. He was hurt too much already when he lost Joseph, he just can't go through it again. But finally he gives in and tells the brothers to go.

They say in order for us to change the pain to stay the same must be greater then the pain to change. Israel took this to the limit. If he didn't send Benjamin his family would starve and he waited until the last minute to go.

I know I want to work with this amazing team of people. I know staying the same and just working this ministry by myself has already taken one swipe at my marriage and it will do so again if it gets the chance. I know the number of student lives impacted by more mentors will grow exponentially with this team.

The pain to stay the same truly is greater then the pain to change. I pray for the courage and leadership abilities to see this through. But the beautiful thing is God was the one who put Joseph were he needed to be and Joseph was the "evil man" who was perceived to be the threat. In the same way where my lid stops God just keeps on going. So even in the places where I fall short in my leadership God is really the only one who can lead this team anyway, he is the only one who can sustain them, and he is the one who has gifted and called them.

May you recognize the next time you are worried about moving forward for the pain it would bring if it failed, there is someone greater orchestrating the movement of our lives. He also has the power to heal us from the wounds of the past, so we can be all the more courageous in the future.