Have you ever felt wind whipped by your emotions?
I have been working on my office this week. It's kind-of a strange little corner office in the back of the church. It's away from everything else officish so I don't get the busy office in and out back there and I can just work. But it is so out of the way I don't think the decorators ever got back there. It was still just white walls with some holes still cut in them. It needed some TLC. So with the help of some wonderful student volunteers and a couple of parents it has now been repainted. I have also gotten some new furniture for it and have been building bookshelves and shopping for new seating. This is all very exciting. I can't wait until it's all done!
But the problem is, it's not done. My emotions are torn, while I am glad to have the opportunity to redo my office, I am also worn out at the thought of getting it all together. I am so glad we had a work bee at the church on Sunday because I don't know how long it would have taken me to actually schedule a day to work on this. I am excited, I am annoyed that I need a stud finder and don't have one (I do now thanks, share), I am weary as I look at the hall full of my stuff. All these things are fluxing back and forth.
In Genesis 50 we have the story of the death of Israel. There is a massive morning procession to Canaan with Egyptian officials and everything to bury the body of Israel in the tomb of Abraham and the rest of his ancestors. After everyone comes back from the burial and the mourning Joseph's brothers get scared. They think Joseph might still be ticked at them for the whole selling him into slavery thing. They decide they will write a letter and say it's from Israel asking Joseph to forgive his brothers for what they had done. Joseph begins to weep.
There are so many possible reasons whey this weeping could be happening. He could be still feeling some of the pain of being sold into slavery. He could still be mourning his father's death. He could be sad his brothers can't ask forgiveness for themselves and have to use his dead father to do it. He could be sad his father would think he still hadn't forgiven his brothers. He could be weeping because his brothers still haven't accepted his forgiveness and haven't believed him when he said they were forgiven. I have a feeling it is a mixture of some if not all of these.
Whatever the case may be Joseph continues to define his life with faith and kindness. He tells his brothers once again, they had intended evil but God intended good. He has been placed there in Egypt so save the lives of many. Then scripture says he spoke kindly to his brothers reassuring them.
My prayer today is even if we don't know what to do, if our emotions are tossing us this way and that, we would live a life of faith and kindness. I want to trust in God, he has made a plan for my life and I am walking in it the best I know how. I want to be kind to others, even if I am struggling with forgiveness towards them or with them trusting me. Anger in these situations is never helpful. Kind words, faith, trust in God and in one another. These are the things I pray for today.
May faith, trust, and kindness, be our anchors today even when we are swaying in the emotional winds.
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